ARTICLES - FROM ABUSER's PERSPECTIVE

Many of us, meaning society, doesn’t really know what it is not to have choices and what it takes from someone in an unfortunate situation to make that on important, final decision - To Break free...Where they are eventually empowered by a volunteer, social worker or Police officer, employed by the South African Police force…
It took 13 long years….Because her husband once again lost his temper and has no self control left.  He slapped his wife against the wall, she being unable to walk in a straight line as her ear drums were damaged...
No friends or family to turn to, to confide in when she realized what actually happened since 13 years ago.  
Her family didn’t keep contact throughout the years as there were so many times where appointments were scheduled and last minute her husband decided to opt out….or the unfortunate happened and it was just best not to go. She had the decency to advise that they were unfortunately no longer coming. As weird as it may seem -  she just stopped to give an excuse as to why, because she can't live with lies. Over the years she’s been isolated from the world and still she was accused, constantly verbally abused and emotionally broken down, luckily not defeated.  
All alone, with no friends or family prepared to assist. When she approached 35 people in one week and ended up in admissions for two weeks at Kalafong Hospital in Atteridgeville, being afforded the opportunity of a life time - To assist patients as they moved through during lock down, when they were not allowed any friends or visitors.  
She experienced the full meaning to be a "miracle worker"  In God's employment.  She helped where and who she could to the best of her ability with limited resources - She called herself "Florence Nighting Gale"
He sent her there under false preferences " She lost her mind - she has a psychological disorder"  
Luckily the doctors and nurses as well as social worker and psychologist did their part and knew there were nothing wrong with her, except believing and trusting in God Almighty.  
With having no place to stay and all shelter's doors closed during lock down she had to go back to the perpetrator for more punishment.  "God, may this please end" With still no-one available, almost three months later than the above incident and another visit to Kalafong for a week,  the SAPS was her guardian angel.  Lyttleton Police assisted her with taking her in their care when once again he wanted to send her off that the state can look after her. (This after 19 years of marriage - a relationship that was never meant to be!)
The SAPS works in conjunction with our Non Government /Non Profit Organization to empower abused women and children. They are usually in liaison with our Advise Centers (which are based at our head office as well as each of our branches) on availability in a safe house or shelter or any of the many other aspects which the Police acknowledge is best addressed by our qualified,  

For some of us it is here where the healing process starts or maybe where your new life begins depending on the emotional damage, decisions and effort it took to break away from the past. It is however so easy for a victim to fall back into what seemed to be the norm. “The social worker, her assistant as well as the house mother is playing a big part in the well being of a victim and if she will rather fall back into the rhythm they actually know is a maze where you battle to find the exit. Should you need someone to talk to you can always go to the social worker or her assistant as they interview you on arrival and will request your attendance in the office from time to time however some people might find this is forced and can't really open up on demand.  
The housemother should stay objectively at all times however as you are moving around in the same surroundings she might become a sort of "trusted friend".  No-one in the safe house is really allowing anyone to close to them or if they do they quickly come to their senses when they realize they allow other people into their most private "thoughts process"
Life in the One Stop Safe House is providing you with some stability when you need it most, it is a relief to arrive and where you are addressed with respect, where the co-inhabitants can also make or break your experience, but with a housemother who knows her story, with the relevant capabilities, qualities and experience and her finger on the right buttons, the scariest part of arrival and the 1st day or two can be like feeling you are loved and cared for.
Life at a safe house or shelter is definitely not fun and games. Each Adult has a bed allocated to them, if you have children they share the bed with you. There are a few beds with people allocated to each room, sharing the room and all areas are public spaces.  Because there are babies and older kids one don’t always have the privilege of sleeping with the light switched off or even a full nights rest without continuous interruptions.  
There are house duties allocated to each of the inhabitants.on a rotation schedule, managed by the Housemother.
Sometimes it can be challenging to secure a hot shower, but one thing is certain and that is that each and everyone is thankful for the roof over their head, the meals they receive daily and with this comes the realization that God is in our midst.
Evening praise and worship is creating an sought after ambiance which can definitely not be overseen, however this is not compulsory and not too everyone’s taste. Some ladies like to sing loudly right throughout the day and due to the language barrier this can sometimes cause uncomfortable situations between occupants.
Personalities differ and so does some day to day actions, preferences and voice levels.  This proof to be challenging from time to time. Respecting your neighbour is sometimes impossible, not that you don’t want to give them the respect they deserve, but the facilities doesn’t always allow each persons personal space, not even at bed time, especially when you used to be left alone and are now required to be socially accepted.  
Something to remember when one ever get into a safe house or a shelter is that other people are not always of the opinion to do onto others as you would like to be done onto you.
You will however not go wrong if you trust in God Almighty, He knows and sees everything and if you can all of a sudden interpret what other people are saying in a language you don't usually understand, it might be that He is on the lookout for you!